Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
