Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
