I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
