I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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