Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
