you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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