i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
