I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
