what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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