I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
