he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Blood and glitter go together right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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