Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
