Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize