i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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