Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
