you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
