Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
