Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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