Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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