Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
