Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
