Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize