She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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