i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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