You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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