my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
