she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was like eating out sand paper
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
