Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
