Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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