if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
