I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
