There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
