"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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