I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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