Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize