just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize