Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize