I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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