Just took my morning after pill in the library
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Houston, we have a blender
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
