Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
