Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
