Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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