I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
