Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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