Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
