dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't turn off my feet"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
