Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
