i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Randomize
