Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
