just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize