I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize