I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
