yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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