i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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