i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
