Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Holy shit dude........stairs
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
