I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
