those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
