My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
