Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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