ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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