we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
