he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dear god my vagina.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
