i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's rum buckets o'clock
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
