Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
