I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there was a trapeze. enough said
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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