I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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