these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she smelled like a LAN party
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
