you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
