So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
