I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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