so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
