So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
