My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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