i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
