Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
